This novel has been in the making for over thirty years. The author took it up, wrote chapters, fragments, doubted it, burned the manuscript, then wrote it again and was again dissatisfied. It is written in uncensored Russian. The one in which most people speak and think, but never admit it in public. And a novel was written about what everyone thinks about, but does not admit. And what everyone dreams of, and everyone is afraid of, but does not admit. This, on the one hand, is about our animal nature, which wants sex, love, money, status, other people's admiration. On the other hand, we are afraid of helplessness, uselessness, illness, poverty, powerlessness, and we are afraid of death. This novel is about a man who finds himself on the brink between these things - what will happen to him, is there a will to live in him, will he figure out what to do when he cannot do anything, because he is paralyzed - he was all magnificent and suddenly he finds himself alone, helpless, unknown, in a hopeless situation. Give up or fight - that’s what it’s all about. Cover: drawing by the author.