The thought of what this whole world is for haunts me, it’s like a splinter that can only be removed surgically, but it’s scary to see a doctor, and so I carry this splinter within myself, I carry it and endure it, hoping that she will come out of me on her own. In my case, hoping is apparently the same as hoping that a drowning person screaming for help and unable to swim will swim out of the pool of a mountain river on his own. And in order to calm down, understand and accept this thought with my mind and convey this information to myself - to the spirit and independently pull out this splinter, I will still try to save the drowning man. Contains obscene language.