“I’m with my girlfriend” I sent this message after rejecting my call. Who am I to you if not her? Why do you need me if she exists? Why are you writing this to me? My skin is burning and I'm feeling feverish. My temples squeezed and my voice got stuck in my throat. I can’t move—the phone fell out of my limp hands. Just like I myself - I’m falling in every sense... my eyes become cloudy, I cover them. I feel the tears rolling down - inexorable and silent. Crying loudly is an indicator of weakness. I’m trying to shake them off and stop new ones, to pull myself together and... I can’t. The strength left me. My own body refuses to obey. He is not under my control. The voice nevertheless breaks through the barricade, filling the room with a desperate sound that grows into a scream. Why... Why did my heart choose him?