Never before have I written anything other than scientific articles and books. Therefore, I ask you to forgive me for trying to tell you about my affairs, sometimes purely personal. I'm afraid that this may seem strange to some, and boring and uninteresting to others. But, as Lev Nikolaevich once said. Tolstoy, although for a different reason, “I can’t remain silent!” I reached an age when there was an urgent need to speak out, understand my actions and take stock of my life. This, in my opinion, is obligated by the recent past, which most of us witnessed, as well as the current situation, for which we are all responsible. I flatter myself with the hope that the confession of a person who survived the years of Stalinist repressions, war and famine, is a nightmare of various false teachings, the “Khrushchev thaw”, years of stagnation, “perestroika” and the collapse of the Soviet empire, will be an incentive for someone who is going to write on the same topic, but only better.