This is the story of my fifty-year search for the meaning of life. At times I found a thread of truth and reality in the work of a psychoanalyst, in the study of the brain, in experiments in isolation, in interpersonal contacts. At times the thread was lost only to emerge in a new context, a new place, a new space, a new state and a new consciousness. Sometimes I felt that the thread was my own imaginary construct, inseparable from others, special and characteristic only of me. Sometimes I have met other people who, independently of me, have found the same or similar threads of truth. These testimonies from others are truly precious; they prevent you from being completely alone. Without such confirmation, we are lost in uncertainty. I have spent a lot of time in quite unusual, extraordinary states, spaces, dimensions of reality, the universe - young Americans call these areas “Beyond”. In the Middle and Far East they are known by various names, but the most commonly used terms are "Satori" and "Samadhi". Just recently, before psychotomimetics became useful drugs in clinics, and not just something leading to nightmares, before their components became known not only in esoteric circles, I would not have written this book. I had a lot of information, but then the time had not yet come for this work. Now I'm ready, and obviously there are people who need it.