“The Ineffables were giving a ball. They took a seven-pounder from the artillerymen, covered it with laurels, polished the dance floor until it was smooth as ice, prepared such a supper as no one had ever eaten, and stationed two sentries at the door of the room, instructing them to hold the trays with the programs. My friend, Private Melvaney, was one of these sentries, since he was one of the tallest guys in the regiment. In the midst of the dance, the guards were released, and Melvaney went to help the sergeant who was in charge of the dinner...”