Sooner or later we will all play the game, dear readers. How to make your last property beautiful, reliable, comfortable? What is better, to be born or to die? Who is at risk of reincarnation? Original, unpredictable answers to these and other questions are brought to your attention by fashionable coffin designers Eksakustodian Izmailov and Joseph Penkin. E. Izmailov and I. Penkin entered the coffin business in different ways. One was barely twenty before he hurried to move to another world, the other was over a hundred years ago, and he is still among us. However, the impeccable competence of the young teacher forces the old student to act out at the expense of unbridled fantasy and sick imagination. “The Free Carpenter’s Guide” is addressed to slackers, intellectuals, as well as people prone to thoughts like “to be or not to be.” This small book does not pretend to take the reader to a place where he has never been and never will be, but, on the contrary, returns him to where we have always been and will always be.