I have fallen under the hot hand of the tabloids too often.

What can I say? My nipple wanted to come out and say hello to the paparazzi.

After that, my father gave me an ultimatum - either he will turn off the feeder and stop paying for my wild lifestyle, or I will agree to constant security.

And by “security,” I mean a sexy, menacing, extraordinary nanny who happens to have a knack for breaking spines.

Ransom Lockwood, ladies and gentlemen.

Now he's making me try all sorts of things strange things. Stop partying, clean up, get a job...

Part of me wants to tell him to fuck off. I can't be saved.

But the other part? The other part wants to save him.