He's not an asshole, but that doesn't stop his friends from turning him into one. MY FRIENDS WANT ME TO FUCK. So much so that they plastered my ugly mug all over campus with bold text underneath: Perhaps you're the lucky one who gets to pick our neighbor's cherry? He: A socially awkward man with an average penis looking for a willing sexual partner. You: must have a pulse. He will reciprocate orally. Write to him: 555-254-5551 Idiots don't even know how to write correctly. And the messages I receive are the stuff erotic dreams are made of. But I'm not like those idiots, no matter how hard they try to turn me into one of them. THIS IS NOT THE ATTENTION I NEED. One message stands out from hundreds. There is one number I can't bring myself to block. She seems different. Hot, even in faceless messages. However, after seeing her in person, I realized that she was not for me. But my friends don't give up, they just don't understand. Assholes or not, there's one thing they'll never understand: GIRLS DON'T WANT ME.